“To be or not to be, that is the question.”

(3 minute read)

In William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, the main character Hamlet reflects on his life and asks “To be or not to be, that is the question.” In a modern rendition, Frank Darabont directed the movie The Shawshank Redemption, where Andy Dufresne tells himself – “Either get busy living or get busy dying.” As we discover more about ourselves, we realize that our sense of identity may been given to us by our society. To build a love for oneself, we must know ourselves. We can then live with compassion and show kindness to others when we learn about their stories.

Within cultural groups, people learn how to make friends, form families, and live within communities. The way culture affects an individual’s identity depends on how caregivers and the community approach parenting and child-raising. Here are a few ways to consider how a child may learn an identity:

A house - A child’s identity may have been “built,” like a house. The foundation is the physical space in the community; the walls and roof become the child’s history. Electricity, AC/heat, and plumbing systems are the child’s daily behaviors. Lastly, the furniture could be the learning space (Whiting and Whiting, 1975). This analogy suggests that the child created an identity based on the house. The child may not have questioned the house’s materials, structure, or resources available. Ultimately, the house shapes how the adult understands their place in the world.
An instruction manual - A child may develop an identity by reading an instruction manual: the how-to guide on how to join a group. The instructions come from schools, relationships, and the environment. Depending upon the type of experiences, the child either thrives with new skills or copes with trauma (Bronfenbrenner, 1979). To remain as a member of a group, adults remember what they learned in their youth and act on it to feel a connection to their past.  
A village - A child’s identity may have been fostered by a village. The child grows in connection with family, friends, and caregivers to learn what he or she can do (Vygotsky, 1978). The village guides children on how to live and how to solve problems. The child learns knowledge and gains wisdom to grow and transform throughout his or her life (Rogoff, 2003).

Do any of these examples speak to you? Maybe one of them represents a part of your life story. Maybe none of them do. Either way, those who choose to take part in the Endeavor start by asking themselves, “Who am I?” Self-reflection is a necessary and continuous act to remind yourself that you are always worthy of love. Loving yourself means realizing your past may have shaped the present, but it does not decide your future. You determine your reality and purpose. You decide what role you play in the lives of others. When you decide “to be” or “get busy living,” the spark for change ignites to embrace life. Your choice to grow becomes hope for the future.

Additional Resources:

Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). Ecology of human development. Cambridge, MA; Harvard University Press.

Rogoff, B. (2003). The cultural nature of human development. Oxford University Press.

Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in Society: Development of Higher Psychological Processes (M. Cole, V. Jolm-Steiner, S. Scribner, & E. Souberman, Eds.). Harvard University Press. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjf9vz4

Whiting, B.B., & Whiting, J. W. M. (1975). Children of six cultures: A psycho-cultural analysis. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.